There have been lots of changes over the last few years and as someone who struggles with these kind of shifts (see what I mean HERE), I’ve found a new perspective. From new cars and new houses to new jobs and new boyfriends (ahem, now husband!), the last six years have been a rollercoaster. But while I’ve usually resisted or stuck my head in the sand about the inevitable, I’ve taken charge of my life over the last month which has meant calling BS on some elements of my life that I’ve ignored for far too long.
It happens to us all, we slip into habits, we don’t want to rock the boat, we can’t be bothered…yadayadayada. I used to be the type of person who would, what I used to call ‘roll with it’ but actually, it’s an ignorance to things that actually need addressing. Maybe it was being indecisive or unconfident in my choices but so many times I’d just “see what happens” or hope that “it’ll all work out”. Nah-uh.
Sure, we can do that, we can even wrap it up and call it being laid-back, but I guarantee that the end result will be all kinds of problematic and, worst case scenario, you end up hurting yourself or someone you care about. So…let’s do something about it shall we?
CALLING BS ON…STRESS
I know, I know, I harp on about stress (THIS is why) a lot but it’s SO important that we get to grips with this emotion that can cause so much harm to our mental and physical state. Over the course of planning the wedding, I made a decision that enough was enough. While I’m someone that can really strive on stress and actually be very productive on it, it got to the level where acute stress was a daily occurrence which led to a few hours sleep a night, skin outbreaks, even my hair started to fall out!
I tried meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, hot baths, high intensity exercise, you name it, I tried it but nothing was penetrating that cycle of stress. I knew I had to ride it out and it didn’t lift until the day after our wedding. I could finally let go of the planning, politics, money and everything that came with the last few months. Calling BS on feeling like that and promising myself to never feel like that again meant that I slept, I swam in the sea, read a book and had actual, real conversations with people.
There’s no quick-fix and I’m going to revisit all those stress tonics I mentioned to develop a better coping mechanism for stress rather than absorb it. A health expert I spoke to gave me a really great piece of advice…
“Stop. Feel the stress. Notice everything that it’s making you feel – from your breath to your heart pumping and skin prickling. Sit with it. Sit with it some more. Now breath in and as you breath out make a noise. A ‘whoosh’, scream, whatever you want to release it.”
Seriously. Try it….maybe not in public though!
CALLING BS ON….TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
This definitely needs its own blog post! Calling BS on toxic relationships is one of the hardest but most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. It’s a process. You’ll go back and forth with the decision and cling on to that person as long as you can, usually until you have no other option at which point, it’s a lot more painful. Take control now.
I had a very toxic non-romantic relationship in my life that I ignored for a lot longer than I should have. Out of nostalgia and familiarity I hung on to it in the hope that it would get better. It didn’t and for so many years I was completely unaware of the effects it had on me. I would not only second guess myself and the life decisions I made, but I held back from the things I wanted to do / wear / say for fear of what they would think. I would leave feeling drained, exasperated and anxious. That, my friends, is not the way to live (or not as the case may be!) your life.
The people in your life should love, care and support you in all things. They should lift you up, generally CARE for your welfare and be your biggest cheerleader. I still have a couple of toxic relationships in my life that I’m in the process of addressing because what it comes down to is that we have to protect our positivity. We have a choice in everything we do and I promise you this – once that band aid is ripped off, it will hurt for a minute but after a while, you’ll wonder why the hell you didn’t do it sooner.
CALLING BS ON…ACCEPTING LESS THAN YOUR WORTH
Knowing your worth is something I feel very strongly about, especially since going freelance. I’ve got to the age where I’m calling BS on people trying to take advantage and it happens every day. Job security is very important and my god do employers know how much you value it. So much so that they will keep you dangling for that pay rise / promotion because, well, they can.
I’m a big believer in if something isn’t working for you, change it. It’s taken me a long time to get to this mindset but it’s incredibly empowering when you do. Sure, we all need financial security and I’m not saying quit your job (unless you want to and THIS is how you know when to!), but you need to be self aware of what is owed to you. Know your strengths. Know your experience. Know what you have to offer that person / company. Do the research, find out what positions like yours in other companies are paying, shop around and start believing in the number that you deserve.
CALLING BS ON…PROCRASTINATING
Over the last five months, things have been frustratingly slow. After embarking on a new freelance career, my focus was thrown wholeheartedly on to our house renovation and wedding. Both came with a lot of problems that needed all of my attention so a lot of things have slipped. But now we’re home and wed, I’m so unbelievably happy to be sitting at my desk again getting stuck in to all the things I had to drop.
Procrastinating is something we all feel from time to time. Maybe it’s that massive report you need to write that you’ll DEFINITELY start…after checking The Daily Mail one more time, or you’ll go for that run once you’ve checked your emails for the 100th time. It happens. But something I’ve made a priority lately is making a list of what needs to be done, numbering them 1-5 in terms of most important and tackling the the pressing to-do’s first. Breaking things down into manageable bite size pieces will be your best solution to get everything done in the least daunting way. Tell yourself you’ll do 10 minutes of whatever it is and then you’ll have a cup of tea / check DM / go for a run. Once you get into it, see how often that 10 minutes becomes 15, 20…and then you’re flying!
CALLING BS ON THE PRESSURE
I’m so over feeling the pressure to be everything all the time. To be THE BEST at everything, succeed at everything all while cooking dinner, sending that birthday card and paying those bills on time. The pressure we feel and also, put on ourselves is ridiculous and I’m calling BS on it all. One thing I have learned is that the more we punish ourselves, the more of a failure we will feel and the less motivated we will be.
I don’t always have my shit together, I’m not where I want to be on lots of fronts and I forget birthdays. We’re human and all we can do is try our best. To hell what other people think – you do you. I would always rather be the person who tries than the one who didn’t try at all. The best quote I heard recently was “the only failure is when you give up” and that’s so true. We can fail a hundred times a day but without trying at all, we’re doing ourselves a disservice.
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