I sat down at my blogging calendar and stared at four-weeks worth of content titles. And then I stared some more. It dawned on me that as much as I love all of those subjects, I didn’t actually want to write about any of them. Sure, I could talk about how much I love this outfit (I really do BTW) and that I’m channelling some serious Cali girl vibes with this wrap top and boyfriend jeans combo. But my heart wasn’t in it because that’s not where my head is at right now. So, I thought I’d just tell you about life lately and how I’m dealing with stress (spoiler: I’m not!).
Seeing in the New Year I was unbelievably excited at what the next 12 months had in store – we’re renovating our house, getting married and I’d just started a new career as a freelance journalist. Little did I know how insanely difficult all those things would be! Firstly, our house. A labour of love and the thorn in my side right now. It all started well, as you can see on my Instagram Stories, I was documenting the whole process, I was shopping, we moved out, we demolished, we stopped.
The truth is, I was half expecting us to be back in by now but things have taken a few surprising turns. Our new boiler broke, we had to fill in a door we weren’t planning to, the kitchen design went back and forth and the kitchen ceiling/bathroom floor needed strengthening. With the project taking longer and our builders having to push back other work, it all got a bit much. A slight understatement – dealing with stress got the better of us. So, we stopped, shipped our cat off to my mums and it breaks my heart a little bit. I miss our home and our home life more than I ever thought and for anyone that has moved in with family will know…it ain’t easy!
Hopefully, things will be back on track next week and as it’s getting closer to the wedding, the jury’s still out whether we should leave the bathroom until later on in the summer. I can almost hear my roll top bath calling!
Stress-inducing life event number two! Wedding prep is heating up and I’m struggling to find the time. My dress is being altered which is very exciting and I was unbelievably relieved to find that I still loved it as much as the first time. Phew! We’re in the process of choosing our wedding rings and finalising things like shoes and accessories. With a strong Italian theme throughout, it’s made deciding what we want easy, but sourcing those things very hard!
It’s going to be different. Amid the floral arrangements and delicious food, our main focus is to create a really relaxed, casual day with everyone we love. Have I enjoyed the process so far? Not particularly if I’m honest! This has been the most surprising element of all because everyone tells you you will so you expect to. This is bridal myth #1 busted because it’s OK if you don’t. We all have a lot going on and perhaps if I wasn’t trying to spread myself too thinly I might enjoy it more but right now it’s another thing I have to organise.
Hmmm… I have a love/hate relationship with work and, full disclosure, I feel a little overwhelmed. There was certain things fellow freelancers don’t tell you when you’re making the decision to go freelance. These include the huge emotional ups and downs of commissions – do they like it? Have I done that right? Why haven’t they paid me yet? You get zero feedback from employers as a freelancer. Fact. You live your days in a constant state of insecurity!
The second is you will do commissions you hate. HATE. Just like every other job out there sometimes you need to do things to pay the mortgage and freelancing is no different. Sure, you get the amazing freedom and can watch Breakfast At Tiffany’s on a rainy Tuesday afternoon while you work. But sometime you have to take the shit ones to be able to afford the passion projects.
Thirdly, you get rejected. A lot. I feel like this is obvious but no one really hammered it home to me! You can pitch all day long but 80% of those will be a ‘no’. And it is really hard not to take that personally. Especially if it’s something you really believe in.
Over the last three months I’ve found myself having night sweats about having hardly any work and the flip side of 6 hours sleep because I have so much work on. It’s a constant balancing act and I’m hoping this will level out in the coming months (and years!). One thing I’m trying to do is not beat myself up about it and remind myself that in three months I’ve written for The Daily Mail’s YOU, Brides, Healthy and Marie Claire. And maybe that deserves a metaphorical pat on the back!
Photos by Nargis Cross
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